I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
