if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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