i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
