my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
