So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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