Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
