on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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