i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
