oh god the rape fog is back!
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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