Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
