Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how does that bad decision feel?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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