just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
