I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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