Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
