And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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