Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
