My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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