No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
