Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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