I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
