Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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