so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
