There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
