On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
