Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
