he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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