Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
