i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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