I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need help removing her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
