So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize