the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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