I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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