I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
