I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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