We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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