So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
