i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
