she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We just shotgunned beers for America
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
