Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
