I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
