Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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