He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
