I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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