I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
