Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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