Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
