You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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