We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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