As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
