My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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