Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
