please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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