Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
