apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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