my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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