dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
love makes seman taste better
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
