My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
