You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
