I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
