im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
