my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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