Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
