I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
