i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
