Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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