Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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