Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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